The best advice of the week
A recent webinar attendee made the following comment in an email question. This provides us all an important learning opportunity. If this does not apply to you it may apply to someone you know. Please use this information carefully to support others. Remember, our goal is to raise healthy kids with healthy attitudes towards themselves and others. Its not about how much money we do or don’t have, its how we live our lives that is truly important.
…for me it has always been about my son not ever having to worry about us having enough because…
When I hear people say this I get a little concerned, so I thought I would also say a few things in this area. Please, the person who wrote this, I am not judging in any way when I respond to this comment. I hope my thoughts help you to create a healthy, positive environment for the future of you and your son.
Too many times I have seen parents over-compensate for what they think are limitations. This could be a single parent trying to make up for the broken home or limited resources. It could be a well-to-do family who are trying to make up for absentee parents who both work long hours. Or it could be the old “I don’t want them to miss out like I had to” story I hear so often.
Please, hear the heart behind my message here, I am not critcising anyone. But, this kind of behaviour is actually creating negative results in your children. How so?
Well, often the need to overcompensate comes from us not being happy with our circumstances. Whatever the reason we are doing this there is a subtle, hidden message that is sent to the child that their life is not good enough. Giving a child what they want because you don’t want them to worry about life is not preparing them for the realities of the tough real world that’s ahead of them. Giving gifts to compensate for absent parents sends a message that stuff is more important than family. Our life is what we make of it and is not defined by our circumstances, struggles or bank balance. It is confined or refined by our perspective. We have that choice.
When we visited our sponsor kids in Africa recently we were amazed at how happy and full of joy they were. They didn’t want a Playstation or a new pair of Nikes. They didn’t look at us and want our lifestyle. They were happy with what they had and made the best they could out of the things around them. They made toys from old, broken jandals and discarded plastic bottles. Did they love playing football or jump-rope? Yes, of course. But you should have seen how old and worn out the soccer ball was!
My point is this: make life real for your kids and empower them for a better future by training them to make sensible decisions based on the reality they live in. This doesn’t mean life can’t be better – work hard at making improvements so you can all enjoy the things that are important to you.
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You can access the 40 minute recording of the Kids and Money webinar and download the Q&A sheet. Plus there’s a bonus interview on Teenagers and Money. Check it out in our Resources section.